Initially i was tinking that he dun bother or maybe being ignorant....

14th Oct...
Me : busy having hightea?
Him : sick
Him : flu & fever since yest
Me: seen doctor?
Him: ya.
Me : then rest more
Me : have some green apples, it helps.
HIM : i'm slping

this whole conversation make me so disappointed. I can feel that he simplydun care dun bother & leave in the world of his own. I'm trying to show concern however its not welcoming at all. Been bothering me the whole last night. However this morn was even worst. When i asked him feeling better , he din even bother to reply. After i ask again, he then reply me 2 words "fighting war". I know its about work but y such disouraging response. Bothered me the whole day too.... BUT but but... i'm feeling happier now... reasonbeing, he send me some msg apologisng that he was too busy with his work & just got home. Poor thing! I feel contented as he still bother and remember about me. Thank u for doing that. I really feel so much better. Despite u told me u want to slp, i will still say yes & feel happy de... i dun need to find excuses to convince myself le....
thanks Bernard! Remember wat i say, go slp first, tml then tink/bother about the problem.. :)

missing him..

After that day i have been tinking of him every free moment... missing him when now & then.... really feels like want to see him again... wishing tat i may bump into him somewhere etc... i duno how to tell him or put it across to him... how...?

Wanted to msg him but i duno how to start it off... no opening topic at all.... :( dun dare to be too mushy or use too lovey dupy phrases also... dun dare to disturb him too late though... so many dun dare...   haiz...! Bear with it iCe.....

after so long...

Its been nearly 4 years...

times flies.... really flies... i never ever expect that he will contact me... i'm really surprise.... initially was tinking shld i reply his email, but eventually i click reply.... :) never expect that i can casually chit chat with him tru watsapp all night long... really triggers a lot of memories that me & him almost forgotten... kinda enjoy tat kind of sweetness of recalling the past... keke!

Second amazing thing was, i went out with him yest.... really really never expect tat i decide to go out dinner wf him.. haha! Even i myself still cannot accept my decision... i duno y got the i dun wana miss tis chance kind of feeling... so i finally say a yes after mid-day... 11th oct 2014

He insist to pick me but i rejected... reason being i wana give myself some buffer time to  turn down his date just in case i change my mind... from deciding want to go or not until wat to wear... skirt, dress or jeans.. but indeed & finally decided a dress wf scarf to obtain a femine look... after i decided my attire, he told me the place to meet & i went :) went to a place where i never go before in my life..... Bishan Park CANOPY!!!

First thing to jot down when i saw him.... He was 15mins Late!!!! But due to work la.... din blame him cos i was sitting in the park waiting until he appear in front of me in white jersey top & jeans... i felt happy when i saw him... not much of special feel but gotta kind of 熟悉又陌生 feeling... haha!! I agree.. i felt shy at first... but after awhile felt more normal.... chit chat the whole time sharing wf me his life for the past years & not forgetting the lame jokes... i duno why i dare to look into his eyes when listening to him.... but not too long lah... keke! Got off just before closing which was around 2145hrs... i felt abit too early and tot of going another place for movie or watever... but he kinda of wana send me back & btw, he look tired cos of the yawning... but he drove a very long way from Bishan towards my place... anyway i oso duno the way cos i can't see really well.... along the way we continue our chatting and he kept on trying to hold my hand.... and i kept on avoiding purposely... anyway, from leaving Canopy tat moment, he keep on trying to grab my hands or hold my waist lightly... i am fine wf the waist or back but hands i really can't help it.... i am not used to it.... i tink he felt my avoidance and nice enuff, he din push much.... in the car, he suddenly ask me how r u all these while... requesting me to tell him my life all these years.... i say nothing but he dun believe... so he drove to turf city, park his car and request me to tell him.... not much of a choice i share... din i told u before, i like his way of listrning... i duno y hav a kind of he is a very intelligent guy kind of feeling... i like talking to smart ppl.... like him! Gotta kind of being protected by him kind of feeling which i rarely experience.... we chit chat joke for 1.5hrs un the car... pure chating plus some holding hands  cos he kept on finding chance to hold my hand despite i kept on moving when talking... after awhile i felt more comfortable wf him holding my hand alittle longer but still cannot stop the avoiding habit... keke!  By the way, he is driving a 2 door Benz wf star gazing roof... nice posh car :) when he drove me home, he confidently insist that he remember where i stay... haha! I told him tat i will be amazed if he remember and at the same time i will be disappointed if he got it wrong... he confidently tell me let's bet... haha! He lost.... lost wf a dun wana lose kind of  look still refuse me to help him... but also good la... make the journey alittle longer... i hold on to his hand when leading him to my house and i ended wf a playful pinch.... but in the end he tickle me when i suppose to get down the car... i was pleading for mercy cos i'm afraid of ticklish... keke!! Finally i say bye & close the door... din got a chance to see the carplate number cos i dare not turn back... ... i duno y i kinda like the feeling when being wf him... maybe 很久没喜欢一个人了吧。   and i certified myself a loyal person... 一但喜欢了,始终不会改变。。终就还是喜欢。。when i got home, i'm still feeling the sweetness when with him... maybe long time nvr date le la... got a forgot how to date kind of feeling...... keke!!!  But anyway, i like it...

i am starting to change le... i used to not accept he is a divorcee.. but now i seems to accept le... is it a good sign?

Jus wana jot down tis day...11th Oct 2014

it's been more than 1 year...

Its been very very long that I update anything about myself...... Cos I was BUSY BUSY BUSY... Really BUSY.... Everybody complain.... not jus myself.... :)

My apology for the neglect of everybody.... I really can't help it.... I hope everyone understands :)

I wonder how many people still read blog... I admit i have not been reading until i forgot my password & login ID... Hahhah!

But what triggers me to write again.... its the old reason.... This afternoon I have alot of things in my mind so though of jotting down but I still seem to find any place to do that..... Until i recal iCyie Paradise..... :)

I was reading my posts back in 2009..... Seems like things only happen yesterday.... Hahaha!! All along, my topic are/will relate to the some old things... I realise its been 10 years.....

10 years & I still have the rapid heartbeat feeling when with him....Isn't it miracle?? I wana thank him for today cos yest I was merely telling him that I want to go JB to buy shoes and he literally request to bring me the next day. I was shock & happy. Initially he is going together with his friends to do car wash & etc but in the end he say he push his friend to other days cos not important... I was touched! Upon seeing him this morning, I can feel his tiredness but I tot it was just normal. I have no intention to shop ard cos I feel pai seh la.... So tot it will be a grab & go thing. But too bad, my shoe have no stock so he suggest that I look for other options.. U imagine a very tired man who just ended a 24hr work few hours ago without much peaceful rest shopping with you searching for you desired shoe... Giving you opinions at the same time telling you which one is beta.... I felt really blessed & blissful.... I'm serious! Someone who care for you, concern about you, put your word in the heart for 10years... And it's 2 way... Do you think it's Love? :)
That moment when I feed him pretzel that he bought for me, I feel really weird... I tink he felt weird too cos there was a moment of silence... I ignore the feeling cos I was enjoying to dote him and he did not reject anyway... :) Maybe he was enjoying too cos he totally forgot to do the most important thing before leaving JB....

Seriously, I dun dare to think too much....

In 1 week time, we will be in Macau at this time.... We are going on a holiday to Macau & HK for a trip... its been a long time I went holiday and this time round he requested... :) HOw can I resist.... Frenz ask me am I looking forward to it, I am really unsure.... But I know I will be happy la... Thats for sure... I named it a Love Trip :)

I duno am I doing the right thing?

I'm confused... Really confused...

He came back & I tot Tis time round it would be as neutral as it will be...
Seriously I'm wrong...

The comfortablity being with him is utmost strong & I really like tat.. And I felt tat he feels the same too... The same not just being comfortable but also the chemistry is still there... I tot it had faded as it's already so long way back but I was wrong... I tink he felt my ignorance too... Cos when I sense Tat things aren't right, I am the only one who needs control it...

I felt guilty to accompany him yesterday after so long... I shouldn't have let all these start all over again... Cos I know it would not bring to anywhere further...

But frankly, I like the at ease feeling when being wf him... Really love it!!

Thank u :)

Thanks for all the birthday wishes... Surprises.. Etc etc...

I really appreciates.... I'm not that type who know how to express my feelings to people... I hope u all understand...

Lastly, I wanted to thank someone important.. Someone who affects me alot... I wana say, I do not know is it on purpose or unintentionally... But I expected anyway... I just can't believe it... U did it......

Thanks for forgetting :)
I really feel better....

At last~

I feel so relieve now...

Finally I hav the courage to tell what am I thinking on my heart rather than keeping to myself... I have say how I actually feel about certain things which I usually dun like to share..

I guess I must have bottled too long... I have confused myself too much too...

Feel so happy now.. Gtg bed nw.. Sleepy~

nitezzz..