Confused

These days i'm asking myself... Do i really miss him? If not, how do i explain my behaviours these few days...
i can't answer...

Or is it just an act of being regret?
i can't answer as well...

Does he feels the same too?
again... no answer... reason being i'm nt in any position to ask him.


really really troubled...

Rubbish

Aren't feeling good these days... Had a mixture of feelings.. good & bad... These days other than busy work life, my mind kept asking me this qns... "Do i deserve all these?"

Alot of things happen... I do not know whether to categorize it as an impt date or jus another day cos i myself do not know what & why am I doing all these stupid stuffs... I actually did something which I dare not do over these period of 7years [nt convenient to write it here]... I'm shock that I actually can do it (at least for these few mths)... Haha! Frens dun believe me at all & kept on asking why & some even tease tat eventually it wun prolong... Anyway, i din hope to last forever, jus wana test out how long can it last to maintain like current... I considered it a MAJOR EVENT in my life cos 7yrs ago was a turning point of my life... I suppose its another turning point in my life again.... Probably something good =)

Ever since i made this decision which was like 2mths ago, things are doing pretty well, just a little bit of trying to get used of my new life... Only until early July, i'm more used to it! All i could say is that "I AM ALL OUT OF MY MIND". I wonder am I too bored or jus wana add sparks to my life or wana challenge my life... At times I feel that I'm totally shitty cos I do not even acknowledge watever i've done...

This post is totaly rubbish cos its getting no where... Just like me...
I just wana find a place to vent my frustrations & possible a place to cry out loud...
i'm afraid that its becos of my decision that cause my terrible & ridiculous actions!!

Sorry to cause confusion

Handicap

Yesterday went yoga & got to find out tat i've got neck & back problem...
And also found out tat i injured my right arm... Sigh~
Haiz~ i wonder how did i get injured????
Having difficulties to lift up my hand, close my fingers & even hold things...
Tot tat it will be beta today but infact it worsen!! feeling handicap nw...
duh~ (-_-)"

extended updatez!! (12:37PM)
i'm super free in office... haiz!! was browsing tru email & surfing net etc etc. 2 words to describe "sOooo sianZz..." Was clearing my inbox & got to realise that 'tat email' was unread, still gt no courage to open it... i was tinking wheter to delete it or to read it?? Grrr~
i'm too free... how can i keep myself occupied??

is it coincidence or jus fate?

Tis morning i laid on my bed wondering what to wear to work cos i have been ignoring my laundry basket for sometime & currently its overflowing... So i decided to close my eyes & wear whatever i pull out from my wardrode... And surprisingly i gt this top which is very memorable to me... The lasted time i wore this was during our 1st date... and till then i never wan to wear that again cos i afraid it will bring memories again... But today i din bother & jus wear it...

When i was in office checking my email....... I saw tis name which was once so familar yet not as before... I was speechless when i saw his name appear in my inbox.... I still rub my eyes to double confirm.... A moment of surprise, shocked, happy, sad, unbelievable...

Very complicated feelings... Not forgetting that memories came back again..

Actualli felt abit scary cos wearing this memorable top would result to receive his email...

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Is it Coincidence or Fate?

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I haven had the courage to open that email partly becos of its subject

its our secret code we've created during the past...

~Fear araise~

persistent + consideration vs fate = 有缘无分

No matter how ignorant am i, how many times i turn down, how many lies i told, how many times i reject the call.................. U still persist!!!

Your persistent lead to my considerations these period of time...
To consider between to believe myself or believe in fate....
Surprisingly, Indeed u succeed...... i chose fate!



But eventually 命運 play a joke on us....
u miss it~



this is what i call 有缘无分....

Overspent!!!

Hur hur....

I've been spending too much $$$ these few days... Been shopping alot these days... Even at work also doing online shopping... Haiz! Only notice that i've tonns of shopping bags which i haven even open & unpacked yet... And not forgetting those awaiting online shoppings which yet to arive... Argh~

Wasn't feeling good these 2 wks... This thing just linger around my mind with no answer... Try not to bothered by it but eventually i just couldn't... Despite i try consulting a few frenz abt it who gave me some hw or rather the same advice, I still just couldn't not make myself to come up with decision... I still struggling between Yes & No... Is it simplily becos i tink too much??

Wondering is it tis matter which led me to seek for shopping theraphy...
[shopping makes people happy]

emotional rollorcoaster

feeling down, feeling bad, feeling rather not in the mood....

dreamt of him, dreamt of them, dreamt of all the unhappy things....

Showing signs of listless-ness, moodiness & i tink insomnia again... Realise that the cheery me is 'AWAY' again... I miss my laughter or even a simple smile...
I mean the real true one...




Emotional Mode : Confused

is CNY ard the corner??

is it just me or am i the odd one to NOT feel the Chinese New Year mood??

I strongly dun feel the CNY mood ley... I tink tis year's CNY is super quiet... Maybe its the economy bah... Somemore chu 3 most people will start work liao... Just chatted with Ade & got to know that she start work on chu 2 liao... OMG.. Pity her!!
Anyway, i tink most people are busy tis week preparing CNY rite.... Just like me, busy cleaning up the house, buy new stuffs, buy new clothes etc etc...

Talking abt cleaning up house, I'm super duper hot lor... Mummy scolded me yest saying that i din help out... WTH!! Since last 2 weeks, I've been staying at home cleaning the living room, didi's room & toilet bit & bit while both dad & mum are watching tv... [i clean till all my nails are broken & hav no choice but to cut it short... sigh~]
For my room i only start on saturday cos i was too busy cleaning other places!! And she accuse me tat i din help... So sad! I wonder y she always dun appreciate what i've done.... I really dunno wat i have done wrong... She always show favourism between didi & me so CLEARLY!!! Jus like yest, didi complain to her that she bought new curtain for her own room & not for didi's room & my room... As for me, i din complain la.. Just ask her where she bought her curtains & she request me to go buy myself... So I intend to search for curtains for the same series for the whole house except her room cos she hav liao mah... Until yest, didi just complain to her that she bought new curtains for herself & instead for us.... Just a simple remark & she went all the way to buy for him... I dunno wat does it shows or maybe i'm looking too into the issue... Haiz~

Anyway, hope that tis week will be smooth one... avoid & prevent quarrelling... And most importantly try to enjoy the CNY mood if available...

trying to accept

i hate comparison... when there is comparison, there is always good & bad... which tends lead to happy & unhappiness... Since in this case, why bother to compare in the 1st place?? i conclude it as human nature bah... I'm nt a person who bother good or bad de... So in short , i always dislike comparison/dun bother about the comparison... I feel that watever it is, as long as I'm happy jiu hao lo... Wat so big deal!! but but but... Yesterday i tried out the comparison test out of my curiosity... I tot i wun mind the outcome, wun mind the words & truth even though its rather surface..... I'm wrong!! Human nature played a joke on me... At 1st i'm okay, but after further tinking, i feel so bad... Disappointment grows rapidly...

i wonder how u people feel when u gt to know how ''much'' urself worth in ur good good fren whereas tis good good fren worth extremely dear to urself... Truthfully, i dunno how to react... I wonder is it that i expect too much or is it tat i'm not prepared for what i suppose to hear/feel... I'm just not able not to take those words too hard... Even though it may be jus a casual remark or suppose to be a joke... It kept lingering around my mind... Maybe i take tis friendship too seriously bah... in the means of trying to accept...

For a moment, i nearly burst into tears....

[i tink its going to be time of the month liao... tats y so moody! ]