rainy afternoon

its a rainy day again~ Actually kinda like rainy days but minus away the wetness... :)

Hmm.... THese days have been rather moody & busy.... So many problems & obstacles lately, be it in work or etc... Luckily partially are solved but I wonder when will all be solved!! Actually I know I urgently need a listening ear but I jus dunno where to start off... So might as well keep all to myself...

Wondering should i go out tonight...?? Still considering even though I'm all ready to go... Feel kinda like changing my mind but i can't bear cos i really miss him...

~~~ Time to work ~~~

Rubbish

Aren't feeling good these days... Had a mixture of feelings.. good & bad... These days other than busy work life, my mind kept asking me this qns... "Do i deserve all these?"

Alot of things happen... I do not know whether to categorize it as an impt date or jus another day cos i myself do not know what & why am I doing all these stupid stuffs... I actually did something which I dare not do over these period of 7years [nt convenient to write it here]... I'm shock that I actually can do it (at least for these few mths)... Haha! Frens dun believe me at all & kept on asking why & some even tease tat eventually it wun prolong... Anyway, i din hope to last forever, jus wana test out how long can it last to maintain like current... I considered it a MAJOR EVENT in my life cos 7yrs ago was a turning point of my life... I suppose its another turning point in my life again.... Probably something good =)

Ever since i made this decision which was like 2mths ago, things are doing pretty well, just a little bit of trying to get used of my new life... Only until early July, i'm more used to it! All i could say is that "I AM ALL OUT OF MY MIND". I wonder am I too bored or jus wana add sparks to my life or wana challenge my life... At times I feel that I'm totally shitty cos I do not even acknowledge watever i've done...

This post is totaly rubbish cos its getting no where... Just like me...
I just wana find a place to vent my frustrations & possible a place to cry out loud...
i'm afraid that its becos of my decision that cause my terrible & ridiculous actions!!

Sorry to cause confusion

bothered by FYI

Jus receive his FYI msg saying that he flying again to another place which i dunno where is it until i search the Atlas... Why i say its a 'FYI' msg cos he emphasize tat its just for me to noe... Am i reading too into his words or is it that its jus merely for my info only?? Actually I do not noe how to react after reading it... thats y i choose to write down my frustrations here... I'm actually feeling alittle angry about it, i wonder y...

Should i tink in the way whereby:
1) I should be glad tat he still got the heart to inform me about his whereabts despite his BUSY schdule
2) WTH! What he mean by FYI only?? does it mean i couldn't ask!!!
3) Ok! Anyway i dun bother...

1, 2 or 3??? But i noe it wun be (3) anymore cos if i dun bother, why i bother to write it here ley?
If its (2), i believe it will definitely pick a long distance fight.
So i guess (1) is the best & most optimistic choice rite?

But FYI, i'm a born pessimist...


OKie! i've my destination... Lotsa of impt work to do than bothering these nonsense... Hope that i can make it in time for tonight's Steamboat wf the Sam & Pearl's Wedding gangs...

why?

[Mood colour code : Grey, i mean dark grey]

i wonder why i still remember today...
i could not get to sleep yesterday nite as i could not shut off my mind only until 3am. I dare not tell or should i put it in not willing to confide frens cos i noe they will scold me straightaway. I tink its better to keep to myself instead!

Please! I really hope i can be forgetful abt this date & erase this in my future calendar.

Had been pulling a long long face tru out... And i'm craving for cigerettes!! Bad habit... I wonder y i always urge to smoke when i'm in very very bad mood...
But dun worry... only urge, no action was taken! And i assume actions will nt be taken... =)

Darling @)--"----

"Darling! Which day are u free this week?"

i heard this phrase in my dream last night which made me smile...
This can be a very simple qns... but yet, there are people who could not answer... Years ago, i used to ask this qns very very frequently till i'm sick of it... This WAS a reason that i could be happy when i was being asked years ago too... Tinking of it, i feel sweetness but... still stupid! ! [Just wana jot dwn my stupidity]

Darling : this is one of the word which sound too mushy to me... I even refrain my boyfriend to address me as darling until him... I wonder how he made me 'appreciate' this word so much... Till now, i'm so in love with this word "Darling"... Cos it made me felt loved! the sweet sweet love... I even used it nowadays... Haha!

[i'm emo today]

my Reddie 红红

Was longing for a black phone for 4yrs le... All these while my phone was white & pearl white & metallic white & wat ever white... I remember i named my phone 小白 the previous time... Haha,i noe its toopid!! Getting abit bored wf al the 白白 family le... This time round i actually saw this phone in my fav colours black & red...

So happy! =) Luv it...
This time round i tink i should call it 红红, Reddie...
I'm still reading 红红's diary cos i need to understand her more first in order to use her...

updateZz

i'll be boarding in another 5hrs 15mins...

sOooooooooo happie =)

Even though i'm in office, but my soul is oredi in Star Virgo liao....
Super holiday mood.... I learnt that "Never to work on the day of your holiday cos its equivilant as not working at all"

Anyway, If u happens to be at Harbour Front or Vivo & see some1 crazy waving hard at the balcony...... 80% chance it may be ME.... Take note on deck 9 k....

Just to update.....
i'm single... no potential bf... no potential target...
I dun mind if u wana intro some guys to me....
All are welcum =)

Interested please dial my mobile @9*******!!
(wahahahahaha....)

is it coincidence or jus fate?

Tis morning i laid on my bed wondering what to wear to work cos i have been ignoring my laundry basket for sometime & currently its overflowing... So i decided to close my eyes & wear whatever i pull out from my wardrode... And surprisingly i gt this top which is very memorable to me... The lasted time i wore this was during our 1st date... and till then i never wan to wear that again cos i afraid it will bring memories again... But today i din bother & jus wear it...

When i was in office checking my email....... I saw tis name which was once so familar yet not as before... I was speechless when i saw his name appear in my inbox.... I still rub my eyes to double confirm.... A moment of surprise, shocked, happy, sad, unbelievable...

Very complicated feelings... Not forgetting that memories came back again..

Actualli felt abit scary cos wearing this memorable top would result to receive his email...

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Is it Coincidence or Fate?

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I haven had the courage to open that email partly becos of its subject

its our secret code we've created during the past...

~Fear araise~

persistent + consideration vs fate = 有缘无分

No matter how ignorant am i, how many times i turn down, how many lies i told, how many times i reject the call.................. U still persist!!!

Your persistent lead to my considerations these period of time...
To consider between to believe myself or believe in fate....
Surprisingly, Indeed u succeed...... i chose fate!



But eventually 命運 play a joke on us....
u miss it~



this is what i call 有缘无分....

Early Birdie

4:00am : Woke up!!!
4:30am : Showering, Changing~
5.10am : Send Daddy to airport who suppose to meet his fren there at 5:15am... Late!
5:35am : Rch airport... Watch daddy at departure cos its too early...
6:25am : Having Mac breakfast @amk... Yummie!!
7:15am : Reach Office!!!! [btw, my alarm juz rang... now u noe how early am i]

never have I reach office tis early during this 3yrs of service.... sOoooo memorable (+_+)"

soBz soBz...

gotten to know that 2 of my beloved man are getting married this year...

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i feel like bursting into tears!!!!!!

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BUT.... =)

emotional rollorcoaster

feeling down, feeling bad, feeling rather not in the mood....

dreamt of him, dreamt of them, dreamt of all the unhappy things....

Showing signs of listless-ness, moodiness & i tink insomnia again... Realise that the cheery me is 'AWAY' again... I miss my laughter or even a simple smile...
I mean the real true one...




Emotional Mode : Confused

L.A.Z.Y

these days prefer reading than writing.... maybe jus another excuse of being lazy....

just happens to read & recalling about my year 2008 from all sorts of source... i wonder y i always experience different aspect when reading my past... I always realise that i missed those small little actions that may lead to a different conclusion... but y din i realise in real time?
but what to do... we gotta look ahead than back... Indeed, i had a good 2008...

feeling rather emotionally affected....

trying to accept

i hate comparison... when there is comparison, there is always good & bad... which tends lead to happy & unhappiness... Since in this case, why bother to compare in the 1st place?? i conclude it as human nature bah... I'm nt a person who bother good or bad de... So in short , i always dislike comparison/dun bother about the comparison... I feel that watever it is, as long as I'm happy jiu hao lo... Wat so big deal!! but but but... Yesterday i tried out the comparison test out of my curiosity... I tot i wun mind the outcome, wun mind the words & truth even though its rather surface..... I'm wrong!! Human nature played a joke on me... At 1st i'm okay, but after further tinking, i feel so bad... Disappointment grows rapidly...

i wonder how u people feel when u gt to know how ''much'' urself worth in ur good good fren whereas tis good good fren worth extremely dear to urself... Truthfully, i dunno how to react... I wonder is it that i expect too much or is it tat i'm not prepared for what i suppose to hear/feel... I'm just not able not to take those words too hard... Even though it may be jus a casual remark or suppose to be a joke... It kept lingering around my mind... Maybe i take tis friendship too seriously bah... in the means of trying to accept...

For a moment, i nearly burst into tears....

[i tink its going to be time of the month liao... tats y so moody! ]

dreamy

i dreamt of him again... sickening!!
i wonder why is he haunting me in my dream whereas i'm neither tinking nor missing of him at all... my bro actually bought me a dream catcher last few weeks... i was tinking how a dream catcher works? what is it for? I'm wondering whether is it the dream catcher doing its work tat is causing me having difficulties in falling asleep & not forgetting those dreams... Sigh~
Tinking of removing it from my room... Sooner or later la..

i dunno can tis be describe as 'superstitious'??

Hahhaa!

Just found out that i have some over due photos awaiting to be uploadmet Georgi for coffee & shopping but forget when is it liao... It was a last min decision cos she was too free liao... Free till she actually came to fetch me from Changi... Haha! Its still so nice of her la... I din take her pic cos she wasn't in the mood for photo taking bah... And partly, i remember she is just like me, we dun like to take pics de... But that day she wore a super low cut & sexy top which will make everybody STARE & go weet~ weet~... But sad to say the pics above din manage to capture a nice angle...

Below was a new pendant i bought during one of my shopping day... Like it alot when i saw it... Its alphabet I... I for iCe...

Below is my mani & pedicure from my malaysia trip... Its damn cheapo & nice... Especially the french one cos its my 1st time to try french manicure... I like it alotz!!! Then the pedicure i like the flowers drawn on my individual toes.... Alot of hardwork wor...

But sad to say, my french mani was destroy by me after 1 week... Wasted!!

As for yesterday, met up wf pearl for dinner at Tampines... Yah!! i noe its super far & for no reason i wouldn't have step into that place which i hated alot... But due to i've got some issues to settle there so i bo bianz lo... Wana thank her for accompanying me to SO FAR after her tiring workday & make her stand tru out the MRT trip from dover till tampines... Haha!! But i guess its a fruitful trip cos we both bought some skin care products from there to make us more beautiful & mei mei... Hope that it works well for both of us.. If not the money dump will be wasted liao...

[spend alot of $$ ah~~]

Will be meeting her later to accompany her to do threading...

[dilemma in decision making cos i'm too contridicting to decide]

missing

Been lazy to blog lately...

Things hasn't been good these days for both work & life & myself...

Always feel that there's something missing out there...

Shopping Therapy doesn't bring joy like before...

Pampering myself doesn't bring back my smile like it used to be...

Yesterday, I even stay home to enjoy the joy of channel switching till 12+am...

I wonder why "moodiness" kept lingering around me....

This morning i wake up remembering that last nite i was waken by people quarelling loudly @3am scolding !@#$% & not forgetting i dreamt of him after so long...

And coincidencely, this morning i saw him in the record viewing my profile...

I wonder why out from no where he came into my dream...

Even though its only a short one but every details seems so real...

But i guess my reaction in the dream should be my actual behaviour bah...

hope that the rain will make me feel cos i love the smell of rain...

Big Walk 2008

Went to Big Walk 2008 last sunday with my family... A "so-call" 5km walkathon but its seems so much further than it was told... An event of cap @20K people but oso seems more than it suppose to be... Tis isn't the 1st time my family join Big Walk, in fact tinking back its was like the 3rd or 4th time with them liao & not forgetting i did went with the BANG galz but forgotten which year liao... U gals remember??
Used to be a 10km journey but tis year shorten to be only half... Starting Point at Suntec City Fortune Fountain & Ending Point @ Marina Barrage which suppose to be newly launch place with nice viewa of Singapore Flyers... To be exact, the location is actually behind Marina South Steamboat area but just to let u all noe the steamboat all close liao.... The place is a dead city liao... In Case nobody know, dun go there for steamboat k!!

Even though the journey is shorten by half, the tiredness is more or less the same ley.... To be frank tis year Big Walk not very nice compared to those those years i participated before.... Tis years de abit too dis-organise & the route was mostly muddy & crowded... Anyway, not to mention further lah... We still manage to finish 5KM despite the tiredness, hotness, & my unwellness [cos i not feeling well but i still go for tis family trip lor...]


Nothing much to blog recently... Maybe some updates of wat i've done last week...
- Done my 1st PAID threading by an indian lady...
- Feel regretted after threading but skin improved tremendously after a few days [mask absorbed beta & make-up stay nicer]
- Meet up Surong for dinner & chit chat... [only to realise i forgotten to talk about some topics]
- Bought a tooth brush kit to bring where ever i go whereas Surong ask me "U so hardworking meh?"
- Cancelled my postpone Bintan trip again cos dun feel like going...
- Went swimming & sauna with Suling @ Pearl house while pearl is knitting at home... -_-"
- Drive Suling & Leon for the 1st time...
- Went for my hair treatment & discussing with hairstylist when & how to perm my hair...
- Had my 1st fever of the year... Must be due to the rain plus swimming...
- Spent $300 within 1.5hrs at Bukit Panjang Plaza without even realising i've oredi spent so much!
- Only ate 3 meals over the weekend without realising too!!


I tink tats all i remembered wat i've done last week...
Jus bear with tis bo liao iCe k...

some moments for myself

i just stop my clock for a moment to let myself rest alittle & enjoy some moments for myself...

To bluff myself tat i've got alittle moment to enjoy my nicely freshly brewed coffee & enjoying raindrops view on my glass window & surroundings...

Sometimes i do believe in casting away everything & enjoy "THAT" very moment...
It helps to rest my mind & soul to have a feel of time stopping...

It feels great u noe.... Especially when u are nt in right state....

at least it works for me~

ya... indeed i'm not in right mood today... just like the weather...

hazy... drizzling... moody...

潜意识的我

i wonder why i had tis dream last night... I've been preventing & stopping myself from tinking or brooding over those stuffs liao... But i tink i'm subconsciously brooding over this issue till i'm unaware or dun want to remind myself about it bah... So resulting in 潜意识 [subconsciousness] dreaming of it... Indeed i'm glad about the dream which i feel very bad & shouldn't have felt tis way la... But i guess my dream had reflect my true self, my realli real true feelings that i wish it happens bah... Be it good or bad~

Last 2 days was chatting with my fren Surong... She reminded me that its been sometimes that we seen each other which i recall to be more than 3mths bah... Time realli flies wor... I was stunned that its been so long... I guess i seldom take my initiative to contact my frenz to chat abt their life & things happening around them... I remembered i used to be hogging on the phone for at least 5hours per day but now the reluctance & forgetfulness & laziness to call especially after i started my worklife... Sometimes i felt that my worklife actually contribute to my quiet self... Please bear with me if tis behaviour really annoy u all~ Its not that i dun care k... I just forgt to remind myself to call... Time to time i will try to remind myself more frequently...

As mention was chatting with Surong about her relationship... She kept on complaining abt her bf tis & tat etc etc... She mention that i'm comforting her like as if i'm a Love Consultant/Love Guru... Haha! Dun tink i'm suitable for that name cos i dun believe in it... But i'm quite shock about the way i comfort her cos subconciously i felt that i'm able to see a broader picture than before & view relationship in different aspects/views even though i dun trully believe in love... I was tinking how cum i din use the same tactic to comfort myself when i faced similar problems in the past... Haha! Maybe my subciousness not that strong to overcum bah~

Please put on your thinking cap... Just wana share abit:

Do u people quarrel or do u hear people quarrel before? Have u ever really listen on how people quarrel? Did u notice when people quarrel, they will often use "U.... U.... U... U...." Seldom they will use "I.... I.... I..." even if hav, it will be a question as in "Wat about me? i got wrong meh? Am i wrong?" This is how quarrel aroused bah... Often when u cooled down, u will feel that u r nt right & contributed to the quarrel too.... It always take 2 hands to clap de... I feel that if each party mention more about "I... I... I..." I believe things will get much better bah.... i dunno am i right or wrong but tis is how i feel... At least i use this & seldom quarrel with people mah... Haha~

But just to add on.... Said is easier than done~ I'm human too, I do forget tis tactic at times & end up quarreling too....But at least subconciously i try mah...

No harm to trying~